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Pre-marriage Communication Problems

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I am 24 years old. I’m engaged with a guy for the last 1 year and we are planning to get married. We are also physically engaged for a while. My parents are not very happy with this relation but they have accepted him for my sake. Now for the last month he has changed completely, it’s not he is calling off the marriage but he is treating me in a strange manner. Whenever I ask anything related to him and his work he gets irritated. Before this he was very loving and caring. My career is not yet settled. I am very upset with this. Shall I go further will this relation or not? I really love him and don’t want to lose him. Please guide.

I recently read this question on Deepak Chopra’s website, someone who I admire and respect greatly. Since this is the kind of questions I like as you all know, I decided to take the liberty to weigh in with my own opinion and insight.

Let’s begin by saying that if you’re 24, you are too young to be in a serious relationship. My recommendation is at least 25 years of age before you can start thinking about a long term commitment. There are many reasons for this; one very important one is the fact that your career has not yet settled as you said. It makes more sense to establish your career first and then find that special someone at that time. Ask yourself, what if your dream job is in a different city and your husband’s career is not? What if your future work hours create conflicts between you and your husband? Wouldn’t it be better to have all these factors settled before committing to someone and this way the other person knows exactly what he’s getting himself into without any surprises? At the same time if you have someone there at the time you’re making all these key decisions that will determine your future, that person might be an influence in the final decisions you ultimately make. Later, if the relationship doesn’t work out you’ll be regretting it and will think back and wish you would’ve done things differently. Guess what? That’s not going to be an option later but it is an option now.

If you are having this kind of problems now and you guys are not even married yet, what can you expect about the future? Sure, there might be many reasons why he might be getting aggravated easily and you should definitely find a way to have good communication among the two of you.

Communication to me is one of the most important factors in a successful relationship and if you want to be successful you should become good at it first.

One thing to keep in mind is that if you’re having second thoughts about the whole relationship, that’s usually an indicator that you’re not ready to make this big step into marriage. My advice is to delay the wedding a year or two and buy yourself time in order to accurately make this life changing decision.

Also, consider moving in together for a year or two. Have him move in to your place or move in to his. I know it’s not the traditional way but I don’t think there’s a more accurate way of knowing if the two of you are really compatible with each other. Living together will make you see the true personality of your future husband and will let you determine if this is the right person for you.

Finally, realize that in this day and age marriage is a very difficult thing to handle and become successful at. With everything that goes around us every day in our society, it’s no surprise that fifty percent of marriages end in divorce. This doesn’t mean that it has to happen to you and a good way to avoid it is by doing everything in your power to make the most accurate decision possible when it comes to marriage. Start thinking outside the box and forget about the old traditional methods that used to work for people fifty years ago.

The reality is that we live in a different time and therefore we have to play by different rules. These rules might be hard to understand by our parents, grandparents or even older siblings but it shouldn’t matter to you. The truth is that marriage is a serious thing and it’s also something that should be given a lot of thought when it comes to making that decision. Know that marriage is a decision just like any other. It’s one that will change your life forever but ultimately it should be handled the same way you would any other big decision in your life. Through knowledge, anticipation, analysis and common sense, you should be able to evaluate the choice of marriage and hopefully have a favorable outcome. Get the odds on your side. Fifty-fifty is not good enough and you can change this by doing things differently than the people who have failed at this.

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