Finding the right person to spend the rest of your life is one of the toughest challenges someone will ever face. There’s really no proven solution on how to successfully accomplish this but luckily I, The Last Honest Guy has come up with 7 easy and simple steps on how to find the right person to marry. Although, the final outcome really depends on how well these steps are followed and executed it will at least give you a good starting point and a clear direction on how to do this. By following these 7 simple steps you will increase your chances to be with the right person and at least put the odds to a successful marriage on your side.
Some of the steps can be done simultaneously, but for the most part you should follow them in the order I have specified. In addition, some of you may be at different stages in life and can jump ahead accordingly. I should also point out that these steps can be followed by both men and women. Let’s begin:
- Date plenty of different people until you’ve reach 25 years of age. This step basically allows you to get to know yourself and know what kind of people you really like. We often think we know our “type” but sometimes we never give other people a chance and this can result in never finding out certain traits we might like in a person that we never knew before. As I always say; how can you know which flavor of ice cream it’s your favorite if you haven’t tasted all 31? What this step also permits is to gain experience in the field of love. Experience is an important factor to making the right decision. If you truly know yourself and know what you really like you will make a better decision when choosing the right person to marry. Think about it, in anything you do in life the more experience you have on a certain subject the better and wiser decisions you’ll make. This is also true when it comes to marrying someone.25 years of age is an important age because at this point in you’re life you are much more mature and hopefully have a clear direction in life. It’s also important to point out that this is not the age to get married but rather the recommended age to start a serious relationship.
- Finish your career. You have to finish your career before committing to someone for the rest of your life. This is a step you can do at the same time you follow step 1. If you’re finished with school and have establish a career you will know the type of hours your job entitles, the location, etc. You will also know the different type of people that you’ll interact on a daily basis that have a much more similar world to yours and can open the possibilities to finding a better match for you. Remember that as we go on in life our acquaintances and friends change according to our lifestyles. Friends are usually people that we have things in common with and therefore these friends change as we change our quality of life. Careers are usually jobs that we intend to have until we retire or at least for very long time, this allows a potential life-long partner to have a clear view of what our lifestyle might be and be able to accept us knowing what they’re getting themselves into.
- Choose people while doing activities you enjoy. A good way to find the kind of person that shares some of the most important values or interests as you, is by straight out just going to the places where people implement these kind of activities. This step requires you to really sit down and think about the traits that a person must have in order to be your ideal life-long partner. You must start by thinking and separating the “must have” from the “should have” traits of this ideal spouse. For instance, if a “must have” is to be with a person that’s into a healthy lifestyle you should look for that person at a gym. Maybe it’s really important for you to be with someone that has the same religion as you, then you should look for them at your church. You get the idea. The point is that if you really want someone to have things in common with you and like the same activities as you, you should meet them while they’re doing those things on their own. By doing this you avoid having to drag your future spouse to events they really dislike and can avoid lots of conflicts later. Remember that you shouldn’t try to change people but instead just try to find the people that naturally like the same things as you. The key to this step is that separation between the “must’s” and “should’s”. Be reasonable, and really think about it. It’s a lot easier to shop when you know what you’re looking for.
- Date the same person for at least 1 year. (Steps 4, 5, and 6 can be done simultaneously) I really think is a good idea to date the same person exclusively for at least 1 year before thinking about taking it to the next level. You really put the odds against you if you decide to marry someone after dating them for only 6 months. You really need to get to know them and get past the honeymoon stage so that you get to meet the true person and their true personality. Keep in mind that depending on how often you see each other, a year might not be enough and you should really ask yourself if after a year of dating you feel like you truly know this person. Don’t rush things and take longer if you feel like you should.
- Analyze their family. Yes, their family plays a really important role in your overall happiness with your future spouse. You need to take the time to analyze their family and see if you’re really able to see them as your own. Essentially that’s exactly what you’re doing; marrying into their family and as part of the family you should be comfortable around them and at least be able to spend time together without any issues. If you can’t stand your spouse’s family be prepare for a lifetime of conflicts and fights because the bottom line is that Christmas, thanksgiving, birthdays, etc come by every year and there’s nothing you can do about it. It will be a never ending conflict that will be there forever. If you’re able to determine whether or not the family is one you can consider your own in the future, you can then make the decision of continuing with the relationship or calling it quits before you’re too emotionally involved with this person.
- Know their credit score. Knowing their credit score may sound weird and unusual but it can tell you a lot about a person if you think about it. It’s no surprise that many businesses and banks will always look at it before making a decision to give or provide a service to you without knowing you. What a credit score does is show the true values and characteristics of a person without even knowing them. A person’s credit score shows how responsible a person is, it also shows if the person pays their bills on time, it lets you know about the kind of lifestyle and the values of a person. This is all important and useful information to you. If a person has a good credit score it tells you that this person really cares about not being in debt. It also tells you that they can manage their time wisely and they can be on time with their payments. It says a lot about the way they were raised and how their parents taught them to have personal values and morality by being fair and knowing that when someone provides a service to you it’s only fair for them to get proper compensation on the amount it was agreed on. On the other hand, people with bad credit tend to not be able to keep a job, are irresponsible and often have many excuses of why they didn’t do what they were supposed to. These people also tend to always be looking to see what they can get away with and to cheat you from getting what’s fair to you. Note that the way these people are towards their personal responsibilities are reflected on everything they do in their entire life and therefore it’s a reflection of the way they will eventually treat the relationship they’re in. If you’re with someone that has bad credit, I’d recommend getting the hell out of that relationship as soon as possible.
- Live together for at least 2 years. This is a big step and something I don’t often see mentioned anywhere. As I’ve said before, during our current time we now live under a different set of rules that people fifty years ago didn’t have to deal with. Things are different now and we should learn to deal with our problems in a different way that’s relevant to our times. Before, people stayed married forever and divorce was something rare and was shameful, now fifty percent of the people get a divorce and some actually have more than one marriage in their lifetime. What I’m trying to say is that the conventional methods of making marriage work no longer apply today and it’s up to us to find different ways of making it work. We are entering new grounds and there’s really no right or wrong way to do things. We have to think outside the box and try new things. Living together for at least 2 years is by far the best recommendation and advice I can give anyone. This will allow you to really find out if you are truly compatible with the person you’re planning to spend the rest of your life with. It will give you an opportunity to see the true person on a daily basis and be with them even on the days you wish you were living apart. This is particularly good because when you get married you will have to deal with this no matter what. Look at this as a way to test drive the car before you buy it. It will also give you the opportunity to learn how to live with each other and learn to compromise and share common space which you’ll have to do anyways once you’re married.Why two years you ask? Good question, two years is key to the long term success of a relationship. Let me explain, the first year is basically a learning process of how to be and live with each other and it’s also the toughest. After the first year the rest is just repetition, the same holidays, birthdays, anniversaries, etc. will come up as well as the different seasons of the year. By the second time around of all these repetitive events you should already have figured out a way to compromise and make this situations work in harmony for both. If you can make it through the first two years of living together and after all that you honestly feel you want to still be with that person for the rest of your life then I think you have a pretty good chance at being successful. Besides, if you can’t stand to live with someone for two years, what makes you think you’ll be able to do it for a lifetime later
By following all these seven steps to finding the right person to marry, you don’t guarantee anything but at least you can be confident that the odds of success are on your side. If you do follow all the steps the right way, you can potentially find the person of your dreams in three years. Keep in mind that you should also consider and combine the seven steps together with some of the basic rules of a relationship which include being fair, honest, treating each other with respect and a good communication flow, among others. Always try to do whatever is in your power to not be the reason for failure and always keep an open mind.