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HELP! My boyfriend steals from me

HELP! My boyfriend steals from me post image

Hi I am having a problem with my fiancé. We are both in our late 20’s and he doesn’t have a job yet, so as a result, he has stolen from me. The first time he stole money I had laid out on my dresser (we don’t live together yet) that I was going to use for gas to get to work that day. The most recent time, he stole my debit card and used it, then put it back without telling me, thinking I wouldn’t notice. He has also stolen items besides money from me too, like computer equipment, a digital camera and other items. I honestly don’t know what to do. I love him to death and I help him out as much as possible, but he keeps taking. I am not even sure if it is a crime since we’re engaged. And I have asked questions of what would happen if I got the police involved, but I don’t want to get him in trouble. I just don’t know what else I can do? He doesn’t even apologize, he just takes things, and I don’t even know it’s missing until afterwards. Sometimes the money he takes, I really need for things. I am just really confused…I help him out with money and anything I can (most recently a LOT of money to get his car engine fixed). But it doesn’t help, he keeps taking. Any advice? I don’t know if counseling or therapy would help or what.. I just know something has to be done.

Wow! Don’t even know where to start on this one. The first question is how stupid are you? Do you really have that low of self-esteem?  Let’s recap on this real quick, the guy you are planning to marry is in he’s late 20’s, doesn’t have a job, you basically support him, and on top of things he steals from you on a regular basis.

First of all, someone in their late 20’s has already developed their personality and chances are that they are going to be losers for the rest of their lives and are never going to change. So don’t think later on it will be any different, in fact sometimes it keeps getting worse. Second, I can’t believe you call this guy your fiancé; do you really want to marry a low-life like him? How can someone be this old and not have a job? And third, putting up with someone who steals from you should be out of the question and should never under any circumstances be tolerated. Those are the most obvious signs that you are with the wrong person.

Let me tell you that when you have plans to marry someone you have to think of this the same way you would think about having a business partner. Essentially that’s what you are doing, forming a partnership between two people. Think about this, if you were starting a business with someone you would want a partner who is responsible, honest, reliable, pays the bills on time, and most importantly has something to contribute to the business. Getting married is no different, but what you have now is the complete opposite of this and it should be pretty clear that you are about to make the biggest mistake of your life.

My advice to you is that unless you are planning to be a low-life yourself, you should run as fast as you can!!! Get the hell out of there, you’re still on time. You are not married to him and you guys don’t live together yet. It doesn’t matter how much you “love” him eventually you will realize you’re with the wrong person and it might be too late. At least right now you don’t really have any real ties with him and it should be fairly standard to call it quits. Remember that you should always think about yourself first before thinking about anyone else because ultimately you will be unhappy deep down inside and you would be sacrificing your own happiness for someone who is not worth it. It’s pretty clear that you are feeling like this already other wise you wouldn’t have asked for advice. You seem to be too nice of a person (as many girls tend to be) but you have to put your feelings aside and know that this is just not the smartest choice. When ever you’re in doubt of something like this, pretend you have a friend who is going through the same situation and think about what you would advice her to do on this situation. Imagine she comes up to you and tells you she’s about to marry a guy who doesn’t have a job and steal from her all the time. What would you tell her? I think it’s pretty obvious and the only reason you are having a hard time leaving him is because you think you’re “in love”. So don’t be pathetic and please don’t marry this guy because you will end up a loser yourself who later will have loser-babies that can potentially turn into criminals and steal from me.

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  • funkytron12

    he needs help . Honesty will heal the relationship. Don’t let materialistic waste ruin your love for each other. I love my girlfriend but i just took 10 bucks from her. But I know I love her. You suppose to help him more than you can . Love takes work and dedication . Don’t listen to any of these other foolish people on here. They are already too far gone . They will create lies and code to live by.. I bet none of these people are married.

  • Jacque

    Yeah, umm, that’s bullshit. If you really *needed* the money (and I don’t just mean for cigarettes/energy drinks/whatever), and were in a real relationship, you’d be able to ask. Is it materialistic to expect openness/realness/honesty in the FIRST place? And you aren’t married either, are you (Mr. I just *stole* 10 bucks from my girlfriend)?

  • Chelsea

    I have had the same problem recently.. my boyfriend is 18 as well as I am. And I’m pregnant and he doesn’t have a job and steals money from me, takes my phone car, etc. After reading what she said to your question it makes a valid point, reading It I didn’t want to think it was true, but it is. And no women or male should have to go through that.

  • The Last Honest Guy

    I’m glad this post could help.

  • I’m Loser

    I have the same problem as well. I am 27 years old and my bf is 30 years old this year. I really no idea what can I do to my relationship. Me and my bf together for 1 year 7 months. The first 2 months was a fairy tale to me. I never have such happiness in my life before. After that I had an operation so he suggested we rent a room to stay together so that he could take care of me after the ops. Then I found out that precious 2 months he was staying with his “ex-gf” as what I saw in his phone text message. That was the first lie. He mentioned that he did not have enough money to rent a room himself. So he got no choice but to stay with the “ex-gf” for a few months until he stable down. After that I realized there are loansharks looking for him. He told me because his “ex-gf” is a materialistic girl. In order to be with her, he need to spend all his money to buy her branded stuff and eat good food. I didn’t know why and I guess loves really blinded me. I pity and knew that relationship is not easy. So I give him a chance, and continue to be with him, first he borrowed $3k from me and I told him that’s all I got because I still need to give to my parents. But that’s not the end, I found out he owe his “ex-gf” $24k and all the loansharks $50k. He got $50k loan from his company and paying back his company bit by bit but his $24k he still need to pay $1/month. So subsequently he got nothing left every month after pay all his debts.
    Now alrd 1 year and 7 months I together with him. Honestly speaking, I have supported his living expenses until today. Even when he wanted to go back to his hometown I will buy returns tickets for him. Recently I found out he stole my credit card and withdraw all my money without letting me know and sold my LV wallet / My Birthday headphone / his watch which I bought for him for his birthday. He say he don’t have enough money to spend. I’m super frustrated because I have been stressed up for 1 year plus and yet he still wanted to steal all my money. I slapped him on his face really hard for a few times. It was my first time slapping someone. He still begging me to be with him. What should I do? Is love really can forgive everything?

  • Lynnita

    After 9 years in marriage with my hubby with 3 kids, my husband started going out with other ladies and showed me cold love, on several occasions he threatens to divorce me if I dare question him about his affair with other ladies, I was totally devastated and confused until a old friend of mine told me about a spell caster on the internet Dr. osas who help people with the relationship and marriage problem by the powers of love spells, at first I doubted if such thing ever exists but decided to give it a try, when I contact him, he helped me cast a spell and within 24hours my husband came back to me and started apologising, now he has stopped going out with ladies and he his with me for good and for real. Contact this great spell caster for your relationship or marriage problem at spirituallove @ hotmail . com.

  • Kk

    I sure hope you’re getting help as well funkytron12. Btw, your name matches you.
    Advice to the honest guy!!!
    I totally empathize your situation but 10 or 20 bucks isn’t that big of a deal. You should lend him 20 or 30 bucks when you know he short with money. Tell him to ask it from you anytime. As long as you have it you’ll loan it to him but he have to pay you back once he gets pay. Be a good role model to him and show him how to be a better person by learning from you. Your boyfriend is not robot. His heart and soul will see what he has done wrong and he will be good to you. Be patient if you really love him you’ll see a change from him.
    I hope things are better between you 2. Good luck

  • The Last Honest Guy

    Stealing is stealing, it doesn’t matter if it’s $100 or $2. It’s not your job to be “fixing” these guys. When one guy is no good, move on to the next one until you find the right one.

  • sophiemilks


  • Tasha

    U crazy if u go back to him smh

  • Brooke Beck

    To the person who responded to “The Honest a Guy” first. Hi, you are a fucking dick. How dare you call someone stupid and patronize them. “Your going to have loser babies that can potentially turn into criminals and steal from me.” Lol. Are you serious? You sound like a callus, ignorant moron kicking people when they are already down. They bit back their pride and stepped forward on a personal level to confide in someone for advice. You should be ashamed of yourself. Obviously, it is clear that you lack empathy and sound more than likely like a fucking sociopath or at the very least, someone who lacks any real life experience. What makes you so fucking supreme to even give such advice? As if your life is some chocolate covered strawberry; Just so damn flawless.

    Step back everyone…this guy/girl (it? — whatever you are) is just too perfect. PSYCHE. Rather a “fuck you” you numb skull.

  • The Last Honest Guy

    Be carful when you ask for honesty, cause you will get it here. You can’t handle it? Get the hell out!

  • Independent Tammy

    Ewww. Gross. You just stole 10 bucks from your girlfriend and you “know” you love her? Is that why you’re taking advantage and manipulating her? That’s real love??? What a lucky girl, she is… 🙁

    DO NOT take funkytron’s advice. Setting healthy boundaries in relationships by NEVER allowing abuse’s like stealing, lying, cheating, manipulation, etc. will increase your chances 10-fold (if not more!) of finding a truly meaningful relationship that won’t end in a break up or divorce. Life is hard enough as it is. Do you really need a loser dragging you down like this? Dumping a guy when he crosses the line actually does him a favor. That is the real way to tell him what he’s doing is not ok. By losing you, he will have plenty of time to think about why you would never want to settle for a loser. Life is already full of hurts. Don’t let the one you’re with be the main source of it. If his mamma didn’t raise him right, it’s NOT your problem. You’re the leading lady, not the mom. Remember that.

  • Rachel Babbaboo

    I think that it’s alarming that the person continues to lie about it. I think the person who wrote the comment ahead of me is harsh but I understand to an extent where they are coming from. It’s not ok to take your partners things without asking and it shouldn’t be regular behavior. That being said I think this person is too harsh when they say he is a lowlife mostly because you do change and grow a lot from your twenties this person is probably young and thinks they will always be the way they are when in reality people do change. The true issue is the lies if your fieance isn’t willing to be honest and repent then his actions won’t change. Love is a complicated thing and unconditional love should not be seen as weak or sad it’s truest beautiful. If you’re husband isn’t willing to change and grow thru your relationship then maybe it’s not loving to continue a relationship that harms you and supports unhealthy habits. You’re not pathetic trust me you’re not alone and you can work thru this if your boyfriend commits to being honest and wants to change himself. You need to make clear boundaries and you need to be honest with him as well, make it clear that if he continues to lie and take advantage of your kindness that you won’t be able to continue the relationship. Also it’s so important that he can rely on himself not because he’s a man but because for your relationship to be healthy you both need to be putting in the same amount of energy. If he’s not willing to pull his own wait that can also makes things muddy. It creates an environment for resentment and one where stealing becomes more of an option in some people’s head. That is absolutely no excuse but it is to say that the stealing isssue is a sign of issues deeply imbedded in the daily routine. With time and honesty you could rebuild, but make it clear that without the honesty part it is impossible to build a good foundation. If he truly just made a mistake and values your relationship above all he will tell the truth and work to rebuild for you and you truly shouldn’t have to ask.

  • Rachel Babbaboo

    Honestly is subjective they are not an idiot and I doubt you are even in a relationship currently. Look this person shouldn’t be asking some dude who sits on his computer all day how to live her life. That’s my honesty because really people who go that overboard over something like this have way to much time on there hands. The fact of the matter is love is complicated and when you’re twenty your less then half way thru life. I’ve made mistakes in the past and if I wasn’t allowed room to make stupid mistakes I wouldn’t be the strong confident moral person I am today. The issue is not that she should never forgive him and if she does she’s a weak idiot, you’re a damn fool and probably didn’t help at all not to mention you likely have no room to speak about what a perfect relationship is. The real issue is that he continues to lie and that inhibits any kind of resolution possible. But if you’ve ever been in a relationship for more then three years you’d know that sometimes you see ugly parts of that person that could definitely hurt the relationship if that person isn’t willing to change by themselves then no you shouldn’t continue the relationship. But the internet is the worse place to look for answers cause people like you who think they have some altimate understanding of the world think they have the authority to decide “truth” as an excuse to say inflammatory and counterproductive ways of expressing there fallacies that do more harm then good. Truthfully disappointed that someone would even take your opinion seriously.

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